An East Coast Ivy League atheist professor
was teaching a university class and
he told the class that he was going
to prove that there is no God.

He said, "God, if you are real, then
I want you to knock me off this platform.
I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by all the time taunting God,
"Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

As the last minute approached he smugly smiled.

A young US Navy guy just released from active duty and
newly registered in the class walked up to the professor,
hit him full force on the chin sending him flying from his
platform and crashing to the floor.

The professor struggled up, badly shaken and yelled,
"WHAT's the matter with you! Why did you do that?"

The guy replied, "God was busy; He sent The Navy"




Greetings from Ulrika Jensen in Alberta, Canada!
Certified Theta Healing Practitioner
ullij10@hotmail.com
http://www.telequestlink.com 

P.S. Okay, here's another one. But I warn you, it's PG-rated!

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. 
For example, while attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and 
his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare;

"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. 
He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?" 

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "Robin Hood-All-purpose, isn't it?" 

And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately 
take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? 
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow 
and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and 
a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. 
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. 
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.  After 
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the 
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he 
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety 
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind 
the counter asked if we needed any help I replied, "No, I'm just looking at 
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I 
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release 
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her 
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. 
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing 
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening 
exchange.  Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the 
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The 
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?  
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training 
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell 
for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full 
dining room.  While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, 
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was 
clean.  Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go to the potty 
in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No."  
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't 
have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you 
didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.  I just KNEW that he must 
have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.  So, I asked 
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"  This time he jumped up, 
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, 
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"  While 30 people nearly choked to death 
on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.  
An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh 
they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very 
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think 
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after 
it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman 
and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" 
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were 
laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?!! Pass it on to someone 
you know who needs a laugh.

Back to Manifest Massive Magic!